Best Protein Shakes for Weight Gain (Homemade & Store-Bought That Don’t Suck)

 

 

            Photo by Aleksander Saksa on Unsplash.com    

Let’s be real: 90% of protein shakes are either overpriced sugar water or taste like chalk mixed with regret. If you’re trying to gain muscle without spiking insulin like a diabetic carnival ride, here’s the brutal truth on what works—and what’s a total scam.

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The Store-Bought Trap: How to Spot a Garbage Shake

Walk into any supplement shop and you’ll see "mass gainers" promising "20lbs of pure muscle in 30 days!" Spoiler: They’re lying. A 2023 ConsumerLab investigation found top-selling weight gain shakes were 50% maltodextrin (cheap carb filler) and barely 25% protein.

✅ The Best Store-Bought Shakes (No Bloat, No BS)

Brand	Protein	Why It’s Good	Best For
Fairlife Core Power Elite	42g/serve	Tastes like a milkshake, lactose-free	Post-workout, lactose-sensitive
Orgain Organic Protein	20g/serve	No junk, 5g fiber, vegan options	Clean bulking
Naked Mass	25g/serve	Just protein+carbs+fats, no additives	Hardgainers

❌ The Worst Offenders

• Muscle Milk Pro Series: More canola oil than protein (check the label).

• Optimum Nutrition Serious Mass: 1,250 calories per serving—but 250g are pure sugar carbs.

• Premier Protein: Artificial sweeteners that gut-hating microbes feast on.

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Homemade Shakes That Outperform Expensive Garbage

No blender? No problem. These 3 recipes are calorie nukes without the gut-bomb:

1. The Classic Bulker (800+ Calories)

• 2 cups whole milk (or oat milk)

• 1 banana (carbs + potassium)

• 2 tbsp peanut butter (healthy fats)

• 1 scoop vanilla whey (or plant protein)

• ½ cup oats (blend first if texture-hating)

• 1 tbsp honey (glycogen reload)

Why it works: Perfect 40/30/30 macro split (carbs/protein/fats) for growth.

2. The "I’m Not Hungry But Need Calories" Shake

• 1 cup full-fat Greek yogurt (slow-digesting casein)

• 1 cup canned coconut milk (high-calorie MCTs)

• 1 scoop chocolate protein

• 1 tbsp almond butter

• Handful spinach (you won’t taste it, I swear)

Pro tip: Chug this post-workout when chewing feels like cardio.

3. The Vegan Mass Monster

• 1.5 cups soy milk (highest-protein plant milk)

• 1 scoop pea protein

• 1 tbsp tahini (sneaky high-calorie fat)

• ½ cup cooked quinoa (blends smooth, adds protein)

• 1 date (natural sweetness + carbs)

Controversial truth: Vegans can’t rely on nuts/seeds alone. Soy, pea, quinoa are your muscle-building MVPs.

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The #1 Protein Shake Mistake (Besides Buying Trash)

Thinking "more protein = more gains." A 2022 JISSN study found your body only uses 30-40g protein per meal for muscle growth. The rest? Pissed out or stored as fat.

Fix It Like This:

✔ Space out shakes (40g protein max per serving).
✔ Carbs > protein post-workout (glycogen fuels growth).
✔ Fats aren’t evil (they keep testosterone high).

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The Dirty Secret of Mass Gainers

Most are just:

• Protein powder

• Cheap carbs (maltodextrin/corn syrup)

• A multivitamin sprinkle to look "healthy"

A 2023 Examine.com exposé found brands charging $70 for powdered oatmeal + whey.

DIY Solution (Better & Cheaper)

1. Buy plain whey or pea protein.

2. Add oats, honey, nut butter.

3. Save $50/month.

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When to Drink Shakes (Timing Myths Busted)

The "anabolic window" is overhyped. A 2023 Sports Medicine meta-analysis found total daily calories matter 10X more than timing.

Best Times:

• Morning (if you skip breakfast)

• Post-workout (only if next meal is >1hr away)

• Before bed (casein or Greek yogurt prevents overnight breakdown)

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Final Verdict: Skip the Hype

The best shake is the one you’ll actually drink—not the lab-engineered "optimal" sludge that tastes like despair.

Hot take: Flavor > perfect macros. If it’s disgusting, you won’t stick with it.

Now go blend something that doesn’t suck. 💪

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